To Lead or to Follow?

Answer: When you lead from your heart you will find that you are both a leader and a follower and in doing so you will exemplify true leadership. 

I recently returned from a missionary trip in Ecuador.  Everyone had to step up and lead and everyone had to step aside and follow.  It is said that the learning leader outperforms the learned leader every time.  We were all leaders in our own rights and no one person held an expertise in everything.  Personal responsibility required one to abandon any negative-passive responses to frustration and replace it with positive energy and empowerment.  Is it not true that a journey starts with explicitly appreciating where you want to end up—the end in mind?  Embracing and living into a purposeful life will provide the essential foundation for persevering when challenges and roadblocks get in the way.

Often we get stuck on our own beliefs rather than seeking to discover the truth of a situation. We jump to conclusions because we don’t really listen, and such conclusions are often judgments of delusional thoughts that are based on what we think we heard. When we lead from a place of oneness we refrain from judgment, we are receptive to exploring truth—and more readily able to overcome the old subliminal fear of inferiority. We can then act from a place of true situational need.

When we move into the space of oneness with our purpose, a knowing that we are connected whether we lead or whether we follow, we free ourselves from the fear of being perceived as insignificant. We are able to use our skills and our hearts to listen, learn, teach, advise….to simply be what is needed in a given situation. While there are many statistics available that suggest effective leaders have higher than average emotional intelligence, I suggest that living a purposeful life and leading from a place of love is synonymous to that emotionally intelligent leader, one who just knows how to follow the footsteps of those before him and leave a path of footsteps for those to follow behind him….when we follow, we lead—the life of a leader, the purposeful life!

Are you living in Reality?

Is reality based on facts?  

 Does your reality really exist or is it a story created from facts as they occur to you?  Facts occur in the past. If your reality is created, can the reality of another really be right or wrong? Is reality nothing more than a story given to the past as seen from different lenses? As a leader, we are often confronted with stories that differ from our own.  What is real? An effective leader does not pass judgment, rather they extend trust. Trust occurs when we can move beyond the realm of being right to the realm of knowing that what we believe is nothing more than our own creation based on how something occurs to us. Extending and earning trust is a practice. Trust then can create a reality if two or more people can mutually agree upon a story. Leaders should not assume anything in terms of their own knowledge, skill, or attitude when dealing with others, as each creation of their reality used with other individuals over time will astound them in ways that range from wonderful to dreadful.

Leadership today is much more complex in a world of introspective knowledge and a generation of millennials that want a voice in the decision making, because they see organizations as flat and not as the traditional hierarchical structure.  I experienced a phenomenal experience in a leadership conference last week when senior leadership let go of their reality (that they know more) and extended trust to other less experienced associates to create new pathways in moving the company forward. An energized environment opened up a whole new reality—the way things occur to senior leadership is simply not the same as how it occurs to others in the organization.

Doctors and lawyers are used to operating in their own reality based on facts as they know them.  As we approach the season of millennials as patients, clients and employees, combined with an era of insurance companies yielding influential power, leaders of these professions should be committed to being part of something that is bigger than each as an individual. There is the old African proverb “If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together.” Be the leader that creates the change you want to see, and in doing so remember reality is at its best when others are aligned with the concept that the facts are the past and the past cannot be changed. Be willing to be a part of creating a new story, be the extraordinary leader—is this a reality?

Thank You!

I wanted to thank all of you who have read my blog posts over the last few months.  Your feedback and encouragement have been heartfelt.  I continue to jot down thoughts as they occur to me during the week and share their thought provoking reach.  If there is a topic you would like to see me focus more on--please let me know.  If there is anything you would like me to add to the Blog as an easy reference or links of interest let me know (dlwanser2@yahoo.com). Thank you again--I am truly humbled by your following.  --Donna

Is failure really failure?

The greatest leaders have inspirational stories to share.  The most memorable stories are typically those derived from the many failures that occurred before each success—defining such success really as the lessons learned during the journey.  So in retrospect, was each failure really failure? Let’s start with the premise that taking risks is risky and not taking risks is riskier. In every inspirational story, chances were taken and life happened just the way it was supposed to happen; perhaps just not the way it was  expected to happen.  

Recently, I have had the amazing opportunity to share a weekend with 16 powerful women.  I realized as each shared their story, the common denominator of each women was their ability to courageously persevere when times were difficult.  They took situations that the average person would have deemed a failure or insurmountable and instead saw them as opportunities to create something ordinary into something extraordinary.  Each of these highly successful women use the valleys in their life as an opportunity to review, renew and recommit--which gives them the endurance to continue to climb back up taking roads that peak even higher each time. 

In life we are all given choices of what roads to travel.  Sometimes the chosen paths of others may seem less direct, less optimum, yet the extra miles or more difficult road afford the traveler a deeper understanding and appreciation of the opportunity before them—they learn how to navigate landmines, creating greater than expected results. Emotionally intelligent leaders refrain from judgment and honor the alternative choices of others. In doing so, they resist taking control of other’s time, minimize stress in the relationship and increase trust in the environment. There was an inordinate amount of trust established during this weekend between these emotionally intelligent and successful women leaders, whom did not know each other prior.  Judgment was suspended and in its place was empathic listening and learning –each believing in creating the possible from the impossible. These women got more of what they focused on—they have a vision and they are fearless.  Fear is a powerful four letter word.  It is an emotion that rises up within us if we feel a sense of threat, feel uncertain, or feel insecure about a situation. These women, consciously or unconsciously,  believe that for something to be impossible it must be possible, therefore, impossible is nothing more than an excuse not to take the risk—or in other words, impossibility is nothing more than inaction stemming from fear.  

In their recent book, The Student Leadership Challenge , Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner have identified The Five Practices of Exemplary Student Leadership™ that are common when leaders are able to make extraordinary things happen—1) model the way, 2) inspire a shared vision, 3) challenge the process, 4) enable others to act, and 5) encourage the heart. When I think about the stories, the commitments and the love that energized the room this weekend, each person intuitively embraced these five Practices.  I am certain I was amongst a group of women leaders who were the epitome of leadership—emotionally intelligent leaders who lead themselves the same as they lead others and in doing so create paths that others enthusiastically choose to follow. They allow themselves to fail, because they know failure is the real success, provided you don’t give up and fearlessly accept that risk usually means traveling down a different road, an unfamiliar road than what was originally planned.

Lawyers, Doctors and Leadership, Oh My

Have you ever heard of the saying that it gets lonely at the top? Is loneliness really a function of being at the top?  Do those who are most successful in their careers really have to be lonely? Research indicates that those who are most successful have a higher propensity for narcissism and a strong sense of ego. Regardless of the  hierarchical order, no person is an island. In theory, effective leaders at any level should have “willing” followers.  Given that, I would suggest that the root cause of such loneliness just may be ineffective leadership. 

Studies have indicated that the most successful leaders tend to be emotionally intelligent. Emotional intelligence is said to measure one’s ability to be empathic, adapt to and cope with the immediate environment.  Conversely, emotional intelligence traits found in effective leaders such as altruism, happiness, and emotional self-awareness are atypical traits of egoism--despite that their strong sense of superiority and self-importance, the differentiators, are what get the more successful lawyers and doctors to the top of their respective professions. 

However, lawyers and doctors are trained to practice their specialties, they are not trained to be leaders. They are highly educated then thrown into a practice with little or no leadership experience whatsoever.  They often create an environment that enables them to focus on what they do best—practice their specialty in transmit mode. They are deemed to have high self-esteem and may even be labeled as egocentric. Lawyers and doctors are used to having clients/patients listen while they speak and expect absolute deference to what they have to say. While they expect to be listened to, effective listening is not a skill-set that embodies them—they are used to being in control. Empathy and give-and-take conversations are not part of their vision in getting the job done and not part of their educational intake. Negotiating alternatives and team building is not a priority, rather such leadership skills are viewed as nothing more than time consuming duties, excess words and tasks best left to someone administrative. 

Their world revolves around their commitment to the services they deliver---not around the people that support them in getting that service accomplished. We tend to dehumanize these professions and make excuses for the desensitized behaviors and lack of leadership skills. Can they be both the specialist and the leader? Yes.  Fortunately, emotional intelligence can be learned.  While lawyers and doctors have the skill-set, tool-set and mind-set to call themselves masters of their specialty, the real questions is whether they are they ready to be students again to get the necessary tool-set, skill-set and adapt a mindset that will allow them to sustain in the new millennial world where introspectivism is abundant. I am confident there are many leaders behind the masks of today’s lawyers and doctors who just may find it’s not so lonely at the top if they allow themselves to venture into the world of emotional intelligence and become effective leaders of their professions.

Yoga and Leadership Presence

So Yogis have many beliefs and one that really resonates with me is that Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. Wow, how awesome would it be if our leaders today all focused on that sentiment.

The practice of Yoga helps us to quiet the mind, come from nothing, find acceptance in what is and resist judgment—in doing so you will live the life you were meant to live.  Being someone who is fully engaged in the world of self-development and a practicing leader, these are all terms we often refer to as ideal leadership qualities.  However, how many of us can say that we really know what quiet the mind, accept what is and resist judgment truly means?  Well, I decided to revel in the land of Yoga to see if the Yogis know something we leaders recite often, yet struggle with its execution.

I headed out to Wanderlust 2012 in Squaw Valley, Lake Tahoe, CA and was instantly in awe by the beauty of the environment both physically and spiritually. While I have done Yoga for many years by taking a class here and there, I clearly was not into a practice of Yoga.  Though I am active and in good physical condition, I had no idea of how hard it really is to work the mind, body and spirit simultaneously.  One of our teachers, while posed in an advanced Cow Face Pose – Gomukhasana —for what seemed like hours, but really was only 6 or 7 minutes on both sides, said that any pain we are feeling is nothing more than pent up fear and stress…we were urged to let it go and release it from our minds, and in doing so any pain we feel should fade away.  In that pose I learned what it was like to find acceptance and resist judgment. The more I was able to let go of my shadows which were all too willing to offer  me reasons of why I cannot do it, eliminate judgment and face the fear of the pain I was feeling in staying in that pose (and I swear there was pain), the more I found I was able to deepen into the pose and really begin my practice.  Imagine that—I relinquished all and suddenly had no more pain!  As Johnny Kest said in one of our classes ....when it is uncomfortable that is when the real work starts to happen.

Imagine how much more effective we leaders would be if we could learn to give up the fear of losing the omnipotent status, to accept others' differences, and to resist judgment—to silence the shadow from within. In my brief experience of living among the Yogis, I learned that silencing the mind, shirking the shadows and being in the present (and it is really hard) is ultimately easier than living in the past or living a default future based on the past. In letting go, our lives begin to flow -- or we begin to flow more into our lives. Once you are present and in the experience of the journey, you just might find that people want to follow.

Leadership With a Heart

Leaders come in different genders, shapes, sizes, backgrounds, and have different areas of expertise and life experiences.  What we all have in common is that we don't always have control of certain things that happen in our life.  Perhaps you know someone who has shared a heartfelt story about their life that leaves you wondering-- why such tragedy happens to innocent people?  While alternatively, it leaves the person harmed with a life of gratitude for the life they continue to have thereafter.

Last Thursday, I hosted a Salon for the American Heart Association.  The guest speaker inspired so many people with her story.  While we learned about strokes and how to recognize when you are having one, we also learned about how one’s determination and willpower can turn a tragic situation into such a blessed life.  Our speaker had a stroke at 45 and was told she would never walk and talk again. Four years later she is talking and has completed five marathons.  She is currently working on using both arms so that she can fully hug her children. A prior workaholic, with little time for anything and who undervalued the importance of the people in her life, today is now living a very fulfilled life despite her apparent disability. She is spending quality time with her friends and family and values life from a new and refreshing lens.  The speaker left the guests compelled to re-examine what’s important in life.  There were lots of tears, lots of conversation, lots of hugs and good ole home-cooked food.—courtesy Chef Ashly Fox.  

The Orange County American Heart Association team and all of the guests that night exemplified leadership at its best….leaders with a heart.

Left Brain--Right Brain Lawyering

Heavy in visuals, modern technology also has led to greater right-brain stimulation  (Nurco & Lerner, 1999). Users of modern technology tend to multitask, quickly shift their attention, and engage in shorthand communication (Prensky, 2001). The Internet has also resulted in an explosion of social networking by electronic means. All of these trends affect lawyers, as they do individuals in other professions. Tyler (2007) comments, “The millennial generation brings new challenges to the workplace”  (p. 40). Lawyer leaders must be prepared to meet these challenges. Effective leaders tend to score high in emotional intelligence, as measured by the Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i; Bar-On & Handley, 2003). They show empathy, flexibility, and social awareness (Bar-On & Handley, 2003). As stated by Goleman (2005), “Emotional intelligence is a master aptitude, a capacity that profoundly affects all other abilities, either facilitating or interfering with them” (p. 80). According to Wong and Law (2002), the “emotional intelligence of followers affects job performance and job satisfaction,” and “the emotional intelligence of leaders affects their [followers’] satisfaction and extra-role behavior” (p. 243).  Do you think millennial lawyers process and think differently than past lawyers?  Do you think emotional intelligence can bridge the gap between traditional lawyer leadership and the millennial lawyers?