Leaderless Energy…Who are you?

People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will slip and fall.  Proverbs 10:9

Do you feel like you are walking crooked?  Are you really trying hard to be that someone you are expected to be by someone else?  You give all you can to be that person, always improving you, and striving to meet their expectations, and yet you come up short and feel confused.  No matter how hard you try, you simply cannot be that person.  Perhaps you even lost your passion and feel like you just cannot find the gusto you once had.  The fact is that you are not and will never be that person because that person is not you. What if I told you that you are walking crooked and that trying to be someone you are not is sucking the energy out of your life.  Take a moment, reflect and believe in your goodness.  All you can be is be your best you, not a you someone wants you to be. 

If you find that you are living your life trying to meet someone else’s unnecessary or unrealistic expectations, STOP IT.  Let’s begin being a healthy straight-walking you. After all, you were born to be you, not someone else’s version of you.

Perhaps you are more or less talkative than others in your life, or more or less organized, adventurous, risky, detail oriented, controlling, creative…the list goes on.   For everything we are not, there is someone somewhere who is.  Think back to school days where for some, science and math were so easy yet for others English or Gym class was easier.  We are all different and there are certainly enough assessment tools available that measure a broad spectrum of personality traits, habits, behaviors and preferences.  These tools help you identify the why you react or think a certain way, and they help you understand differences in others.  They don’t change who you are. But, they do help you identify areas that you may want to apply a less innate, more cognitive process.  This takes energy and continuously working at being someone you are not innately can be exhausting. 

I recently had a situation where I realized that who I am and who I am expected to be was causing me a lot of anxiety.  While there are behaviors I can modify easily, there were some that were going to cause me to exert a lot of energy.  Armed with lots of information from my personal development assessments, I tackled my situation.  I aligned myself with people who are opposite me in things like time management, I disengaged the stories in my head that had me shouldn’t all over myself and I flexed myself more in the areas that are beneficial and are within my comfort zone.

There are always going to be situations where you will need to walk crooked. However, accepting who you are and learning to enroll others who have those preferences that drain your energy will compliment you, will keep your energy level increased and will have you perceived as ”that person” who meets their expectations…all while you get to be just “you”.

The Art of Giving

“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”
—Epictetus

As I was driving to work yesterday and stopped at a stop sign, I witnessed a homeless person dig through her cart of things and take out a crumpled fast-food bag.  From that bag she began feeding the birds and ducks in the park.  I could not help but think, wow…someone who has very little has the ability to save a few crumbs of her sparse food to give away.  Two thoughts crossed my mind as I watched this amazing life video pass through my lens…giving can happen at any level and being unconditionally giving is a fundamental characteristic of leadership.  This was so clearly obvious as I watched the wild birds and ducks flock around and follow this person long after the few morsels of food were gone. 

As I was engrossed in this beautiful scene, I suddenly was brought back to another reality. The person behind, clearly in a rush, started pounding on his horn for me to move.  Juxtapose to the calm beauty of the feeding of the birds, I was suddenly thrown back to a paradoxical reality—our lives are always on the go.  In that continuum of just doing, how often do we stop to live our life?  Really live our life….   Do we take the time to pause, reflect and give the time that is needed to be a leader of our own lives when we are always in the rat race of doing ?

I just finished reading The Pause Principle: Step Back to Lead Forward by Kevin Cashman. In his book he says that for each of us to be effective in both our personal and our professional lives we have to take the time to pause, step back and just “be”.  Without this, we are no different than those hamsters than run on their wheel ….running, running, running and passing life by without seeing life’s beauty. In the mode of doing, life is nothing more than a blur, rather than creating a beautiful masterpiece, and allowing the art of living. When we are so busy doing, are we giving?

Do you take the time to pause and introspectively review, reset and renew so that you can show up refreshed, form memories that have meaning and give what it takes to live a life with purpose? Are you an effective leader of your own life first before you show up in the world expecting to lead others. 

What does giving to your life look like?  We are so busy being doers that we innately want to answer such a question by listing things that we do. I ask you to take the time to give to your life.  How are you giving your life the opportunity to be all that you want it to be…think from the inside out.

Socrates move over, the Millennials are here!

The millennial generation or generation Y is considered the most diverse generation to attend college (Lindsay, 2005, p 189-199). According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, it is estimated that the millennial generation will make up more than 25% of the U.S. workforce, about 40 plus million workers, in 2013.  44 percent read blogs and 76 percent use instant messaging/testing (The Learning Café, 2009). They are a generation that can parallel process; their brain is conditioned to effectively multi-task (Prensky, 2001). “There is a growing body of research that their IQ’s, their raw ability to access and use their intelligence has grown markedly and at a level of statistical significance” (Abram, 2009, p. 57). The millennial generation expect accelerated learning and prefer working in a culture that is aligned with their values.

Are we set up to lead today’s millennial lawyers?  Are we still trying to teach law students and young associates based on some remnant of Socratic methodology, the primary teaching style used in U.S. law schools (Sullivan et al., 2007). This dominant approach of teaching was designed to create opposition and place in question the student’s way of thinking (Scott, 2000). Supporters of Socratic style learning believe that it stimulates active involvement on the part of the lawyer to prepare them to be adversarial and to be able to quickly retort (Mertz, 2007). The millennial lawyer, however, is no longer the lawyer the Socratic style learning or authoritative leadership was designed for--their learning patterns have changed. Research indicates that this is a generation of “little patience for lectures, step-by-step logic and tell-test instruction” (Prensky, 2001, p 3). Millennials are more entrepreneurially spirited and more self-reliant (Jayson, 2006).

Neuroscience has found that styles of learning condition the brain and such past conditioning affects how we act in the future (Prensky, 2001, quoting Dr. Bruce D. Perry).   The millennial generation has been conditioned to be team oriented and to seek socially acceptable solutions juxtaposition to the adversarial and argumentative approach to resolving issues the Socratic way. This will require a teaching style that is more sensitive to the millennial lawyer’s ideas, aspirations and team spirit. Rather than being directed or challenged, this digital generation wants to experience things themselves. They are technologically savvy and want to figure things out on their own, their way (Goldgehn, 2004).

Studies show that the use of technology stimulates and increases brain activity (Fitz, 2009, p. 1; Johnson, 2009, p. 1). Technology also affected the way Generation Y interacts with others.  A survey of 27,317 students from 90 four-year and 8 two-year schools in the United States found most to be technology-savvy (Salaway, Caruso, & Nelson, 2008). Unlike past generations, the millennial generation actively uses information technology (IT) tools to communicate and express themselves (Salaway, Caruso, & Nelson, 2008). Through smart phones, the internet and social networks, the Millennial Generation are continuously connected and seek advice outside the work place even during working hours. According to Jim Taylor, Vice Chairman of The Harrison Group, this generation spends at least 72 hours per week of connected time (Tyler, 2008). 

In recent research done by Deloitte (McElroy, 2010), those surveyed believed that there is a gap in developing effective leadership. Leaders “who speak an outdated language (that of the pre-digital age), are struggling to teach a population that speaks an entirely new language” (Prensky, 2001, p. 2).  Lawyer leaders who accept that the millennial lawyer thinks and processes differently and who is willing to speak their “language” are more likely to retain talent.

However, those lawyer leaders who are more likely to lead their young associates based on some remnant of Socratic methodology, the primary teaching style used in U.S. law schools (Sullivan et al., 2007) may not be as successful. This dominant approach of teaching was designed to create opposition and place in question the student’s way of thinking (Scott, 2000).  Supporters of the Socratic style of learning believe that it stimulates active involvement and prepares law students to be adversarial and to be able to quickly retort (Mertz, 2007).  The millennial lawyer, however, is no longer the lawyer that the Socratic style of learning promoting authoritative leadership was designed for; these future lawyers’ learning patterns are different and not readily adapting to the Socratic teaching methodology.  Research indicates that this is a generation of “little patience for lectures, step-by-step logic and tell-test instruction” (Prensky, 2001, p. 3).  Millennials have more of an entrepreneurial spirit and are more self-reliant (Jayson, 2006).

With an increased need to focus on leadership, lawyer leaders will have to shift from management-based relationships to leadership-based relationships.  Smith and Marrow (2008) noted that 93% of the 350 people surveyed by the Center for Creative Leadership (CCL) stated that the challenges they face in the workplace are more complex than they were five years ago and that 85% felt that the definition of “effective leadership” had changed in that same five-year period.  

Many lawyer leadership issues seemingly stem from low or undeveloped emotional intelligence.  Smith and Marrow (2008) noted that lawyers need to be better communicators and to improve teamwork and collaboration in both associate and client service.  However, today’s law professors and legal leaders may be both psychologically and behaviorally more challenged in achieving these competencies if they have not had this type of skills training. The millennial lawyer just may be the impetus to changing teaching and leadership styles of Law schools and law firms respectively.  

Happy New year---Is 2013 the time for change?

Change....

It is said that if you are not changing you have stopped living. Life is an evolution from which we begin at birth and end at death. Everything in between is change on a continuum. The world continues to evolve whether we choose to or not. I cringe every time I hear “I’m too old to learn that, the old way worked just fine; why do things have to change.”

Often our most difficult moments in life involve times where we stay stuck repeating behaviors that haven’t worked favorably yet we still continue to avoid change--change being that which actually represents fear of the unknown. As we enter a new year, I thought there is no better time than now to write about change. Many of us welcome the new year as a way to put the things about 2012 that didn’t go quite as well as we had hoped for behind us and clean the slate for better opportunities. It’s a time to vow for a fresh start. However, part of the challenge for a better 2013 is to focus on the positive highlights of 2012, carrying that spirit forward while simultaneously examining what didn’t occur as planned, and recognizing and accepting what behaviors need to change to bring about different outcomes.

Here lies the problem. We each fall into our individual comfort zones. Whether our choices are resulting in positive experiences or perhaps those experiences that we wish to keep in 2012, we repeat the same behaviors because we have conditioned ourselves to stay within the known….it is scary to venture into the unknown. Taking that leap of faith and jumping into the unfamiliar abyss just seems too reckless for many and instead keeps us stuck in repeating habits that caused the adversities we so want to have change in 2013.

While I was driving off the mountain in blizzard like conditions yesterday, I watched people who tried to control the environment. They were getting impatient with those who were accepting the circumstances. In an effort to try to control the situation and continue to drive the way they would have under normal road conditions, they were sliding dangerously across the road. Those who surrendered to the conditions gently guided their vehicles through the snow-impacted roads. They changed their driving habits given the road conditions and had a far better chance of successfully coming off the treacherous snowy mountain without harm. While observing that situation, it occurred to me that life would be less fearful and that we would have better outcomes if we could only allow ourselves to let go of trying to control every aspect of our lives and instead simply guide our lives, self-correcting occasionally as needed to stay on the course for the desired life we want… gently allowing life to happen. And then there are those who chose not to drive in the snow—they remained stuck on the mountain because their fear led to inaction, the inability to live into change. The cold fact is that we do not control weather, nor can we control every aspect of our lives. Often our behaviors revolve around trying to control situations we cannot control or staying stuck in situations that should be changed…causing those disparaging situations in our life we so want to change. Life doesn’t have to be so difficult and we don’t have to fear change if we can get beyond the need to control others or taking drastic steps into the unknown and instead act more like a trim tab by making small incremental shifts in our own behavior. In doing so, I bet we will have that amazing 2013 we each desire!

Happy New Year---Is 2013 the time for change?

Change....

It is said that if you are not changing you have stopped living.  Life is an evolution from which we begin at birth and end at death.  Everything in between is change on a continuum.  The world continues to evolve whether we choose to or not.  I cringe every time I hear “I’m too old to learn that, the old way worked just fine; why do things have to change.” 

Often our most difficult moments in life involve times where we stay stuck repeating behaviors that haven’t worked favorably yet we still continue to avoid change--change being that which actually represents fear of the unknown.  As we enter a new year, I thought there is no better time than now to write about change.  Many of us welcome the new year as a way to put the things about 2012 that didn’t go quite as well as we had hoped for behind us and clean the slate for better opportunities.  It’s a time to vow for a fresh start.  However, part of the challenge for a better 2013 is to focus on the positive highlights of 2012, carrying that spirit forward while simultaneously examining what didn’t occur as planned, and recognizing and accepting what behaviors need to change to bring about different outcomes. 

Here lies the problem.  We each fall into our individual comfort zones.  Whether our choices are resulting in positive experiences or perhaps those experiences that we wish to keep in 2012, we repeat the same behaviors because we have conditioned ourselves to stay within the known….it is scary to venture into the unknown.  Taking that leap of faith and jumping into the unfamiliar abyss just seems too reckless for many and instead keeps us stuck in repeating habits that caused the adversities we so want to have change in 2013.

While I was driving off the mountain in blizzard like conditions yesterday, I watched people who tried to control the environment. They were getting impatient with those who were accepting the circumstances. In an effort to try to control the situation and continue to drive the way they would have under normal road conditions, they were sliding dangerously across the road.  Those who surrendered to the conditions gently guided their vehicles through the snow-impacted roads.  They changed their driving habits given the road conditions and had a far better chance of successfully coming off the treacherous snowy mountain without harm.  While observing that situation, it occurred to me that life would be less fearful and that we would have better outcomes if we could only allow ourselves to let go of trying to control every aspect of our lives and instead simply guide our lives, self-correcting occasionally as needed to stay on the course for the desired life we want… gently allowing life to happen.  And then there are those who chose not to drive in the snow—they remained stuck on the mountain because their fear led to inaction, the inability to live into change. The cold fact is that we do not control weather, nor can we control every aspect of our lives.  Often our behaviors revolve around trying to control situations we cannot control or staying stuck in situations that should be changed…causing those disparaging situations in our life we so want to change.  Life doesn’t have to be so difficult and we don’t have to fear change if we can get beyond the need to control others or taking drastic steps into the unknown and instead act more like a trim tab by making small incremental shifts in our own behavior.  In doing so, I bet we will have that amazing 2013 we each desire!

To Lead or to Follow?

Answer: When you lead from your heart you will find that you are both a leader and a follower and in doing so you will exemplify true leadership. 

I recently returned from a missionary trip in Ecuador.  Everyone had to step up and lead and everyone had to step aside and follow.  It is said that the learning leader outperforms the learned leader every time.  We were all leaders in our own rights and no one person held an expertise in everything.  Personal responsibility required one to abandon any negative-passive responses to frustration and replace it with positive energy and empowerment.  Is it not true that a journey starts with explicitly appreciating where you want to end up—the end in mind?  Embracing and living into a purposeful life will provide the essential foundation for persevering when challenges and roadblocks get in the way.

Often we get stuck on our own beliefs rather than seeking to discover the truth of a situation. We jump to conclusions because we don’t really listen, and such conclusions are often judgments of delusional thoughts that are based on what we think we heard. When we lead from a place of oneness we refrain from judgment, we are receptive to exploring truth—and more readily able to overcome the old subliminal fear of inferiority. We can then act from a place of true situational need.

When we move into the space of oneness with our purpose, a knowing that we are connected whether we lead or whether we follow, we free ourselves from the fear of being perceived as insignificant. We are able to use our skills and our hearts to listen, learn, teach, advise….to simply be what is needed in a given situation. While there are many statistics available that suggest effective leaders have higher than average emotional intelligence, I suggest that living a purposeful life and leading from a place of love is synonymous to that emotionally intelligent leader, one who just knows how to follow the footsteps of those before him and leave a path of footsteps for those to follow behind him….when we follow, we lead—the life of a leader, the purposeful life!

Are you living in Reality?

Is reality based on facts?  

 Does your reality really exist or is it a story created from facts as they occur to you?  Facts occur in the past. If your reality is created, can the reality of another really be right or wrong? Is reality nothing more than a story given to the past as seen from different lenses? As a leader, we are often confronted with stories that differ from our own.  What is real? An effective leader does not pass judgment, rather they extend trust. Trust occurs when we can move beyond the realm of being right to the realm of knowing that what we believe is nothing more than our own creation based on how something occurs to us. Extending and earning trust is a practice. Trust then can create a reality if two or more people can mutually agree upon a story. Leaders should not assume anything in terms of their own knowledge, skill, or attitude when dealing with others, as each creation of their reality used with other individuals over time will astound them in ways that range from wonderful to dreadful.

Leadership today is much more complex in a world of introspective knowledge and a generation of millennials that want a voice in the decision making, because they see organizations as flat and not as the traditional hierarchical structure.  I experienced a phenomenal experience in a leadership conference last week when senior leadership let go of their reality (that they know more) and extended trust to other less experienced associates to create new pathways in moving the company forward. An energized environment opened up a whole new reality—the way things occur to senior leadership is simply not the same as how it occurs to others in the organization.

Doctors and lawyers are used to operating in their own reality based on facts as they know them.  As we approach the season of millennials as patients, clients and employees, combined with an era of insurance companies yielding influential power, leaders of these professions should be committed to being part of something that is bigger than each as an individual. There is the old African proverb “If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together.” Be the leader that creates the change you want to see, and in doing so remember reality is at its best when others are aligned with the concept that the facts are the past and the past cannot be changed. Be willing to be a part of creating a new story, be the extraordinary leader—is this a reality?

Thank You!

I wanted to thank all of you who have read my blog posts over the last few months.  Your feedback and encouragement have been heartfelt.  I continue to jot down thoughts as they occur to me during the week and share their thought provoking reach.  If there is a topic you would like to see me focus more on--please let me know.  If there is anything you would like me to add to the Blog as an easy reference or links of interest let me know (dlwanser2@yahoo.com). Thank you again--I am truly humbled by your following.  --Donna