Is failure really failure?

The greatest leaders have inspirational stories to share.  The most memorable stories are typically those derived from the many failures that occurred before each success—defining such success really as the lessons learned during the journey.  So in retrospect, was each failure really failure? Let’s start with the premise that taking risks is risky and not taking risks is riskier. In every inspirational story, chances were taken and life happened just the way it was supposed to happen; perhaps just not the way it was  expected to happen.  

Recently, I have had the amazing opportunity to share a weekend with 16 powerful women.  I realized as each shared their story, the common denominator of each women was their ability to courageously persevere when times were difficult.  They took situations that the average person would have deemed a failure or insurmountable and instead saw them as opportunities to create something ordinary into something extraordinary.  Each of these highly successful women use the valleys in their life as an opportunity to review, renew and recommit--which gives them the endurance to continue to climb back up taking roads that peak even higher each time. 

In life we are all given choices of what roads to travel.  Sometimes the chosen paths of others may seem less direct, less optimum, yet the extra miles or more difficult road afford the traveler a deeper understanding and appreciation of the opportunity before them—they learn how to navigate landmines, creating greater than expected results. Emotionally intelligent leaders refrain from judgment and honor the alternative choices of others. In doing so, they resist taking control of other’s time, minimize stress in the relationship and increase trust in the environment. There was an inordinate amount of trust established during this weekend between these emotionally intelligent and successful women leaders, whom did not know each other prior.  Judgment was suspended and in its place was empathic listening and learning –each believing in creating the possible from the impossible. These women got more of what they focused on—they have a vision and they are fearless.  Fear is a powerful four letter word.  It is an emotion that rises up within us if we feel a sense of threat, feel uncertain, or feel insecure about a situation. These women, consciously or unconsciously,  believe that for something to be impossible it must be possible, therefore, impossible is nothing more than an excuse not to take the risk—or in other words, impossibility is nothing more than inaction stemming from fear.  

In their recent book, The Student Leadership Challenge , Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner have identified The Five Practices of Exemplary Student Leadership™ that are common when leaders are able to make extraordinary things happen—1) model the way, 2) inspire a shared vision, 3) challenge the process, 4) enable others to act, and 5) encourage the heart. When I think about the stories, the commitments and the love that energized the room this weekend, each person intuitively embraced these five Practices.  I am certain I was amongst a group of women leaders who were the epitome of leadership—emotionally intelligent leaders who lead themselves the same as they lead others and in doing so create paths that others enthusiastically choose to follow. They allow themselves to fail, because they know failure is the real success, provided you don’t give up and fearlessly accept that risk usually means traveling down a different road, an unfamiliar road than what was originally planned.

Lawyers, Doctors and Leadership, Oh My

Have you ever heard of the saying that it gets lonely at the top? Is loneliness really a function of being at the top?  Do those who are most successful in their careers really have to be lonely? Research indicates that those who are most successful have a higher propensity for narcissism and a strong sense of ego. Regardless of the  hierarchical order, no person is an island. In theory, effective leaders at any level should have “willing” followers.  Given that, I would suggest that the root cause of such loneliness just may be ineffective leadership. 

Studies have indicated that the most successful leaders tend to be emotionally intelligent. Emotional intelligence is said to measure one’s ability to be empathic, adapt to and cope with the immediate environment.  Conversely, emotional intelligence traits found in effective leaders such as altruism, happiness, and emotional self-awareness are atypical traits of egoism--despite that their strong sense of superiority and self-importance, the differentiators, are what get the more successful lawyers and doctors to the top of their respective professions. 

However, lawyers and doctors are trained to practice their specialties, they are not trained to be leaders. They are highly educated then thrown into a practice with little or no leadership experience whatsoever.  They often create an environment that enables them to focus on what they do best—practice their specialty in transmit mode. They are deemed to have high self-esteem and may even be labeled as egocentric. Lawyers and doctors are used to having clients/patients listen while they speak and expect absolute deference to what they have to say. While they expect to be listened to, effective listening is not a skill-set that embodies them—they are used to being in control. Empathy and give-and-take conversations are not part of their vision in getting the job done and not part of their educational intake. Negotiating alternatives and team building is not a priority, rather such leadership skills are viewed as nothing more than time consuming duties, excess words and tasks best left to someone administrative. 

Their world revolves around their commitment to the services they deliver---not around the people that support them in getting that service accomplished. We tend to dehumanize these professions and make excuses for the desensitized behaviors and lack of leadership skills. Can they be both the specialist and the leader? Yes.  Fortunately, emotional intelligence can be learned.  While lawyers and doctors have the skill-set, tool-set and mind-set to call themselves masters of their specialty, the real questions is whether they are they ready to be students again to get the necessary tool-set, skill-set and adapt a mindset that will allow them to sustain in the new millennial world where introspectivism is abundant. I am confident there are many leaders behind the masks of today’s lawyers and doctors who just may find it’s not so lonely at the top if they allow themselves to venture into the world of emotional intelligence and become effective leaders of their professions.